Back to the Grind: Balancing Bottles and Business
Returning to work after having a baby has many challenges, mum guilt, brain fog, exhaustion â the struggle is real! My blog discusses some of the challenges and offers some tips and coping strategies for survival!Â
Returning to work after having a baby and finding the right work life balance can be a real struggle, the transition can be daunting for any new parents. In this blog Iâm going to discuss my own experience and some of the challenges faced, the intricate balancing act, the emotional strain and hopefully offer some insights and coping strategies, but most importantly, a reminder that you are not alone!
Before I start, I want to address that I am fully aware that parenting takes many different forms in todays society. It isnât always mums but dadâs too finding themselves in this situation. Quite often, regardless of which parent, the balance and responsibility will often fall heavier on one parent. So, when reading, please remember this is my personal account and perspective, but I hope all parents in similar situations may find some parts relatable and helpful.
If you are like me, life was busy before having a baby. A wife, running a house, working, supporting with caring for a parent, 2 dogs, 3 ponies and a husband that works long hours, life was hectic! Throw a tiny human into the mix that needs your full undivided attention 24hrs a day, itâs no wonder us mums are often exhausted, stressed and burnt out.
The first challenge
If, and when is the right time to return to work? These decisions are often forced by financial and/or childcare pressures. Pregnancy poverty in the UK is real, women in the UK have very low rates of maternity pay compared to their international peers and to the vast majority is a substantial reduction in income. To put this into perspective, women on basic rate Statutory Maternity Pay, or Maternity Allowance, are expected to live on less than half of the National Living Wage. YES you read that right. With a cost of living crisis, we are expected to live and provide for a child on less than half the minimum wage. Itâs no surprise that 3 in 5 women return to work early due to financial strains on families. But it doesnât end there. With childcare costs at sky high rates, spaces in high demand and a lack of flexible working from employers, itâs no surprise many mums are often being forced out of the work place.
For me, I am fortunate to have 2 amazing business partners. There was no pressure on me to return to work at any time, and the flexibility to do so in a time frame that has suited both myself and my son has been invaluable, and I cannot thank them enough. I have been able to increase my hours and workload as it suited me and in turn, I believe this has reflected in my productivity and drive towards my work. Something I believe a lot of employers could learn from.
My biggest challenge was the mental battle of what is the right thing to do? Return to work? Be a stay at home mum? How many hours is best? Will my baby miss me? How would I trust someone else or a nursery to look after and effectively support bringing up my baby? Finding reliable childcare in a setting where you do not have to worry about your childâs safety or well-being is one of the biggest challenges, yet if you can get it right so it works for your family, it can really relieve some of the pressures and allow mums to work and focus without the worry.
Lets talk mum guilt!
YESâŚâŚI can confirm mum guilt is real! The challenges and struggles faced by many mums can be stressful and exhausting, thatâs without the emotional upheaval and overwhelming decision of having to leave your baby.
Guilt creeps into every aspect of your life, feeling like you are failing at every corner. It affects your mood and mindset and the lack of time and energy often leaves you feeling unfocussed and unproductive, brainfog anyoneâŚ..? The guilt of leaving your baby has to be the worst, wanting to be there 24/7 for your child, that someone else is spending time with them and not you, worrying if they are eating and sleeping and what if they are missing youâŚ..! Guilt for not being able to give your business or job your all, not being fully focussed on the job in hand, not always being there for your partner or feeling like a failure when the house is a constant mess and life gets on top of you. Itâs a constant tug-of-war of emotions, the feelings of guilt, stress, exhaustion can make it really difficult to navigate and find any balance in life, let alone a work-life balance.
However, itâs essential to remind yourself that itâs okay to feel this way. Returning to work doesnât mean youâre neglecting your baby or your other responsibilities. Itâs about creating a new normal that allows you to fulfill all these roles in a way thatâs sustainable for you. It has taken me time to find that balance, but for anyone else just starting out down this road, it does get better.
Time Management
Being a working mum is no easy task! Time management becomes the backbone of your daily routine, there is never enough hours in the day and every minute counts when youâre balancing multiple roles. Early mornings, late nights, and finding creative ways to fit everything in is exhausting and requires great planning if you want to reduce the levels of stress.
Itâs easy for people to suggest time blocking for your day, dedicating morning for working, afternoon for baby, an hour for chores. But anyone with children will know, babies needs cannot be managed by strict schedules. Being flexible and having an open mind to how your day will work is key. Have a list of jobs for the day/week and work through it as and when you can. Plan what you intend to do in nap times, and yes sometimes having a nap yourself to recharge is absolutely OK. Being productive at work, and getting jobs done at home can feel really satisfying, but being adaptable and flexible with this will allow you to feel content and less stressed.
Delegation and Support Networks
No one can do it all alone, but some of us have to try. They say it takes a small village to raise a child, but not everyone has access to a support network or can lean on family and friends for childcare. This can prove a challenge in itself and overwhelming to not get a break.
However, identifying tasks that can be outsourced, getting a cleaner, buying a robot hoover (my new favourite thing ever!) using an ironing parlour (another new favourite) enlisting the help of a nanny, anything that is affordable and makes life easier, will all help reduce pressure and help life feel more manageable. Understanding this is not a sign of weakness, or you canât cope; itâs a necessary step to maintain your sanity and ensure everything runs smoothly. It doesnât take long before you see and feel the benefits of the improvements in balance to life and more importantly your mood (who wants to iron anyway?)!!! These small changes can give you more time to focus on your family and being productive at work without these mundane tasks hanging over you.
Building a strong support network is equally important. Whether itâs your partner, family members, friends, or fellow mums who understand your situation, having people you can rely on makes a world of difference. Donât hesitate to ask for helpâitâs not only practical but also emotionally reassuring. Having a back up plan when things go wrong, can only be a good thing.Â
The Business Side of Things
Whether you are running a business or working for an employer, returning to work adds another layer of complexity. The demands do not pause when you become a parent.
Running my own business has helped, and offered flexibility where needed, so for those that are able to, it would be worth looking into Flexible Working within your company, to try and find an arrangement that works for everyone.
In all roles, to keep the business thriving, focus on prioritisation. Identify the core areas that need your attention and tackle those first, ask for help if needed. This might mean letting go of some tasks that arenât crucial or temporarily scaling back to focus on the essentials. Itâs all about finding a balance that works for you and the company you work for. I will be discussing the pros and cons of working from home in my next blog, so I will park that here for now, as that is another huge topic and challenge in itself.
Self-Care
Now here is a topic I need to take more notice of. I would tell any new mum or mum returning to work, that self-care is a non-negotiable. Taking care of yourself isnât a luxury, itâs a necessity. But, amidst the whirlwind of responsibilities, this often gets pushed to the bottom of the list, and often the part of the list that never gets ticked off.
Itâs essential to remember, you canât pour from an empty cup. Take 30 minutes, if that feels too much start with 15 minutes. Go for a short walk, read 20 pages of a book, apply a face mask or take a nice relaxing bath alone. Its amazing how these small acts of self-care can really give you a boost and recharge your batteries. Remember to take time out to socialise with friends and remember who you are. Believe me, your baby will thank you for recharging your batteries and seeing the best of you đ
** Note to self â practice what you preach, read this again and put this into practice!!!**
Embracing Imperfection
In a world where everything feels like it needs to be Insta perfect, real life can often feel a whole world away from that. Perfection is a myth, especially when youâre being pulled from pillar to post on a daily basis. There will be days when you feel like youâre not excelling in any wayâwhen the business hits a snag, the baby is cranky, you look around and the house is a mess, washing everywhere and dirty dishes. On those days, itâs important to be kind to yourself. Embrace the imperfections and acknowledge that youâre doing your best in a challenging situation. Tomorrow is another day.
Celebrating Small Wins
Finally, celebrate the small wins. Whether itâs a success in your business, a peaceful nap time, a tidy home, or simply getting through the day with no drama, these victories are worth recognizing. Each small win is a step towards mastering your new normal. I found organisation for me was key, planning my work day and what I wanted to achieve, packing bags and lunches the night before, laying out clothes. All new tasks to me, but some changes that helped my mornings get off to a much smoother start. A good start to the day will always impact the rest of the day, especially if you have been up in the night with a baby, reducing the morning rush and pressures was huge. Planning, writing lists and being as organised as possible massively helps to reduce stress and pressure. Most importantly, have realistic expectations, I am not going to achieve these lists everyday, but thatâs OK, we do our best and we go again tomorrow! Give yourself and your family a hug, remember whatâs important!
Conclusion
Returning to work as a new mum or running a business is a challenging journey. But itâs also an opportunity to grow, adapt, and redefine your boundaries. By managing your time effectively, leaning on your support network, and practicing self-care, you can navigate this path successfully. Remember, youâre not alone in this, and every day is a new chance to find balance in the beautiful chaos of life. Youâve got this!!
